The Ass

Some bleach it, others get it flushed out every three months and the horny use it to get fucked. But here in the UK there is lack of love for the humble ass hole. And I blame the secret control that the toilet paper industry has on our society. They are the true Freemasons.

Let’s put the idea of toilet paper into a context outside of the human innards evacuation room.

A Doctor: ‘Don’t worry patient that my hands are smeared in shit, I have some small squares of soft paper that I plan to wipe them with before I perform open heart surgery on you.’

A grim reality that the Andrex puppy would love to see happen.

There is no other situation where we decide to clean our bodies with paper alone. Gels, lotions and plain old soap and water seem to be the standard cleaning tools.

Why are we so scared of putting soap and water in our Barbie and Ken places?

I have many issues with toilet paper, the main one being people can use it wrong.

If you are a stand and wipe person, you should be shot.

Standing leads to flecks of poo paper littering the floor. Sit and wipe like a normal human! If water and soap was involved in the process this wouldn’t be an issue, everyone would sit to stop the poo water running down their legs.

Insisting on putting cute on animals on the paper makes even less sense. I have never once felt cleaner after smearing a fury creature over my body and believe me I have tried.

The only context I can see toilet paper being an OK thing is in work and at hotels. The quality of paper in both these establishments show how much the higher powers care about you.

Or am I just using the toilet wrong?



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One Response to The Ass

  1. Fannie says:

    We don’t even have toilet paper hoeldrs here. When we renovated both bathrooms we took them out, so the t.p. just sits on the back of the commode or where ever. I tend to be better at putting in an extra roll when the current one gets low, but the huz sometimes will leave me hanging.

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