People on the whole are terrible and no one would blame you for wanting to get away with removing a few from this mortal coil. Unfortunately ‘the man’ thinks otherwise. So don’t get caught. Here are top tips on how to get away with murder.
1.) Wear your victims skin
We’ve all heard the saying about walking in another mans Uggs or whatever so why not take some time after you’ve crushed the life from a living being to get to know them by walking a mile in their skin.
Be sure to sit dow for a meal with their parents or loved one, this valuable time in their former familie’s warm embrace could possibly help your alibi later. Also, you might get pie. Unfortunately for you face cutters out there leaving the visage intact is vital for this to work.
A satanic ritual can be very helpful, but be careful. Sure, calling forth the great and mighty Pishacha to eat away the dead flesh removes the body quickly, but if you accidentally call on Beritha and you’re not wearing your silver ring you’re going to be in for a less than ideal evening.
3.)Murder someone near another murder
It’s basic maths, by being near another murder you’re cutting the chances of you getting caught in half and doubling theirs.
4.) Have a friend of non-white origin
Double points if they’re called Adnan
You’re on a roll so do. not. stop.
If you think someone knows what you’ve done, kill them. If someone looks at you the wrong way, slice ‘em. A curious child down the street? Drown it. Gossiping Mrs. McArthy, she has to go too. Make sure to erase the bloodlines of the lives you’ve touched. No one can know the awful things you’ve done.
Apart from God, he always knows.
6.)Start a museum to your victims
We’ve all heard about hiding in plain site, the police will never suspect you, you could earn some money and the community gets a new gift shop. Everyone’s a winner.
7.)Find hedges to hide behind
The police can’t see people hiding in hedges. Fact.
Not all people are terrible, some people are actually alright. Sadly not everyone has access to food. Why not volunteer at a local soup kitchen or food bank and serve up your very own Sweeney Todd style canned meat. It might not be original but it worked for him and will work for you too.
9.) Be patient
People tend to go on a bit of a witch hunt when a young person, or as the media would have you say, “child” is killed. So, although your victim surely deserves to die, wait until he or she is claiming their pension then the wider world will care less.
10.) Not telling you
It’s my plan